Heartwarmer: Depressed wombat is back on track

Tonka the wombat became so depressed after Cyclone Yasi kept visitors away that he lost 20% of his bodyweight. Now that the visitors are back, he is back to full health.

After staff at the Billabong Sanctuary in Townsville "forked out some serious cash" on tests and vet bills it emerged that Tonka was depressed because of a lack of cuddles from human visitors.

But now that he is back to his regular routine, meeting visitors and having his photo taken, he’s regained most of the weight, and is back to his old feisty self.

Billabong Sanctuary manager Brett Flemming said: "Tonka was hand-reared by one of our rangers and normally spends a good part of his day with people," he said.

"At Billabong he is the star. Everyone wants to visit Tonka.

"After the cyclone he missed the public - the patting, the photos, the cuddles and the endless posing for the paparazzi."

Elderly patients given tambourines and maracas to use to call nurses

I shouldn't laugh, but dear God, I can't help it…

A hospital has come under fire for giving elderly patients tambourines and maracas to use to call nurses in an emergency

Instead of an emergency button, elderly patients in the West Wing of Cardiff Royal Infirmary we given tambourines to use to call for help in an emergency.

In some of the rooms a set of maracas were also in place, in case the tambourines broke.

The hospital said that the musical instruments were introduced after patients said that they were 'too scared' to go into the day room at the hospital in case they fell over and couldn't call out for help. They staff tried to use bells, but they were too heavy for the patients to lift.

An angry relative of one of the patients told the Daily Mail: "It is ridiculous. These people are pensioners not members of the Monkees or Mick Jagger.

"Where is the dignity in asking old and frail people to bash on a tambourine if they are in trouble? It makes the NHS look like a laughing stock."

The hospital have apologised, and have promised to install a 'proper' emrgency alarm system.

Just when you think that the world has become as low-brow as it can get…

A new species of mushroom has been named Spongiforma squarepantsii, after cartoon character, SpongeBob SquarePants.

Reports that a news species of vole is to be called 'Justin Bieberous' are still largely unconfirmed.

Stuff wot I baked: lemon drizzle cake

As requested by housemate.

Heartwarmer: Daisy the cow frees other cows by opening a gate with her tongue

Obviously not happy with her fate of being a McHappyBurger or having a pulsating tube attached to her teat for all eternity, Daisy the cow made a break for it.

However, what makes this story so moooving (sorry) the community-spirited bovine didn't go it alone, she freed her fellow cellmates.

Tom Grant from South Armagh, Ireland couldn’t understand why his cattle were outside each morning, when he’d locked them inside the night before.

He thought there may be rustlers in the area, so installed CCTV to catch them in the act. However what he actually caught was Daisy the cow letting herself out of the gate, with her tongue.

The cheeky cow would unlock both bolts on the gate and lead the rest of the herd to freedom.

Watch the video of Daisy's great escape below…

Just one of life's little mortifications…

Todays I wore my Team Jacob tshirt to work… and a bird shit on me.

Think that sums it up, really.

Bilingual cat can bark like a dog

The plucky moggy keeps watch from the window, barking at passers-by, until he realises he is being filmed, where he quickly reverts back to a miaow obviously wanting to keep his skillset to himself.

Watch the video below to see for yourself…

Stuff wot I baked: lemon cheesecake cupcakes

Lemon cheesecake cupcakes. Lemon sponge with a cream cheese and digestive biscuit icing.

Brought them into work. Massive success.

Interspecies friendships: Jumping baby goat thinks he is people

Here is a video of a jumping baby goat. Just because.

Stuff wot I baked: Chocolate cherry sponge

A chocolate sponge cake filled with buttercream and a dark cherry jam.

Thoughts?

Bored at work, made this…

Set my friend Sam Ead's self-penned song 'Grey' to a backdrop of frolicking Lodon Underground mice.

I actually really like the song. Check out the rest of Sam Eads' music 'n' stuff here.

The Daily Mail are on fire today

A sub-editor's field day

Sometimes I like to fuck with my housemates…

Made this on Word. Posted it under out front door and post it on our communal bulletin board…

Just one of life's little mortifications…

This is possibly the stupidest thing that I have ever done: I trapped myself in my bedroom.

I didn't lock myself in, or get the door stuck - I managed to jam myself in with a coat hangar.

Slammed my bedroom door in a bit of a sulk, and managed to get a wooden coat hanger stuck underneath it. Where the original floorboards are uneven and warped, it dragged along before getting firmly wedged, snapping and jamming the door shut in the frame.

Was too embarrassed to call my housemates to come and rescue me, so I had to sit there, trapped in my room ftrying to tunnel out with a pair of tweezers.

Two-hours of whittling later, and I was a free woman. What I lost in time I retained in pride.