Clark's Magic Steps: update

Two lovely bloggers have pointed me in the right direction to find the advert for Clark's Magic Steps…

Next step: finding a pair on eBay.

Don't you hate it when that happens…

What I wouldn't give for a roll in the hay…

It's a sad state of affairs when a spoof TV commercial for yogurt is just as good as any churned-out boyband relase…

Dynamo has rocked my world

Street magician, breakdancer and all-round man of mystery Dynamo just came into our offices.

If you've been living under a rock and don't know who this guy is, check out his showreel below…

As we all know, I am the most cynical being ever. I spit on Clinton cards, and have been known to squash a last Rolo. I didn't even put make-up on today. But, Dynamo magician rocked my world. He MAGICKED MY NAME ON A CARD…

AND HIS NAME ON THE OTHER SIDE…

There is no fit explanation for how he did this other than witchcraft.

Thanks Dynamo - you've ruined my life. Nothing is ever going to be as exciting as that moment.

Quote from my housemate…

"I'm not drunk, I'm just good-natured"

For the ride of your life…

Rollercoaster-themed condoms from a Thorpe park goody bag.

Stealth condoms - she won't see you coming…

Five things I didn't know about Steve Jobs before today…

1. He bought Pixar from George Lucas. And it was Pixar, not Apple, which made him most of his fortune

2. He was adopted

3. His birth-parents eventually married and he has at least one full-sibling

4. He tried LSD and described it as 'one of the two or three most important' moments of his life.

5. there are no known records of him donating to charity, and he disolved the company's charity programmes once he was reinstated as CEO

Boris Johnson - a tasty morsel

I'm not sure if this is epic, or a cynical marketing ploy.

Thanks to PIzaExpress, you can eat Boris Johnson's face.

The pizza's have been crafted to mark BoJo and Ken Livingstone* battle for Who Wants to be Mayor of London.

Boris is flavoured with spicy beef, onions, peppers and an unruly mop of Mozzarella to mimic Boris’ famous white-blonde shag.

The Ken pizza on the other hand, doesn't seem to be as well thought out - the press release said it has a strong tomato base and is topped with avocado because he likes growing fresh veggies in his garden. Who has actually grown an avocado in the garden, ever? I bet he also likes boiled eggs and coffee, but they haven't flavoured the pizza with that.

The ‘Boris’ and ‘Ken’ pizzas will be available at PizzaExpress restaurants across London from 3 October to 17 October. Am actually dying to try one.

*Ken-Li? Hmmm… Doesn't work, reminds me too much of this video…

Snoop Dogg praises giant swede while wearing a Cardiff City FC football shirt

Sometimes, you can't make these things up…

Rapper Snoop Dogg has posted a video of himself congratulating gardener Ian Neale, 68, on his giant swede. And if that wasn't epic enough, he did some wearing a Cardiff city football shirt.

He also offered the gardener two backstage passes to his sell-out Cardiff gig, which the curmudgeonly old bugger turned down because he only likes 'country and western'.

It actually took me a while before I figured out what sort of 'vegetables' it is that the Dogg is growing. The clue is in the background for the more eagle-eyed amongst you.

Boyfriend had a slight mishap at work…

Got a text message: "There's been a slight mishap in the ond remediation work. The fish will be living with me for a bit."

I am assuming the Radox is his.

Heidi the cross-eyed opossum has died

The most popular German import since schnitzel, Heidi the cross-eyed opossum has died.

Keepers at the German zoo where the squinty marsupial lived, said: "Heidi, our cross-eyed opossum, has closed her eyes forever today."

She was suffering from arthritis and her quality of life was said to be poor. She never looked forward to anything (too soon?).

RIP Heidi.

Jail-break parrots are teaching their wild cousins to speak

This is possibly the most epic news I have heard all week. Apparently, pet parrots who have escaped from their cages have been teaching wild birds how to speak.

Naturalists in Australia have been panicked phone calls from folk who have heard wild birds in their garden ‘speaking’ to them.

How terrifying would that be? It would be enough to make you put down your breakfast beer.

Stuff wot I baked: Coconut bread

My first attempt at any sort of tea loaf in over a year. Rather pleased with the results.

This woman is my idol

She's a pioneer. I could only dream of being this comfortable in my own skin.

Most celebrities hate me… How I thumb-warred jason Derulo

I'm lucky enough to have a day job where I get to meet famous people who we all know are exactly like us, only richer, better looking and more successful.

However, I have this amazing knack of making them hate me.

But, against the odds, Jason Derulo seemed to think I was alright. Check out the edited version and the version where he tried to get me laid by name-checking my boyfriend, below…

Happy Mondays: Jedi Kittens

I'm pretty sure that Jedi kittens are the whole reason George Lucas set up the whole Star Wars franchise…

The Wanted sang me a song…

Don't hate.

I don't understand how she thought that this was going to end any differently

A woman who thought she was buying an Apple iPad 2 for the bargain price of £110 ended up buying a plank of wood with the Apple logo painted on it.

The woman bought the 'iPad 2' from two men in a car park in Spartanburg, South Carolina. The two men claimed that they had bought amount of iPad 2s for a cheap price and were selling them on.

They even reduced the price by $120 from their original price of $300, carried the box to the woman's car and gave her a (fake) receipt.

Abused kids hate me, apparently…

Just seen this new advert from the NSPCC. Can't help but feel a little hurt.

If I wanted to have hate-filled accusations thrown at me by minors, I wouldn't have given that baby up for adoption while I was doing my GCSEs.

My capitcha is a creeper