Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Darwinism in motion

Just one of life's little mortifications…

In my other life, as a grown-up with a real job and bills and stuff, I was sent to Busch Gardens to be one of the first people to try Cheetah Hunt, their new roller coaster.

What I didn't know was I was going to be mic'd up, and reaction cam-ed the whole time.

The best bit, the lack-lustre cheers at the start of the film. Or maybe the comments a random YouTube user added to the video saying that I looked like a 'peado'.

*Edit* The video now has three 'dislikes'.

Watch it below and see for yourself. A little part of me dies every time I see it.

*Edit* Edited to include a screen grab of said comment…

Monday, 23 May 2011

Just one of life's little mortifications…

Found that the Medieval Banquet in Tower Hill doesn't lock their props cupboard.

Found this out after quaffing their unlimited beer and wine deal.

More on this night to come…

Went to the Medieval Banquet. Got drunk. Got thrown out.

I went to the Medieval Banquet in Tower Hill on Sunday.

I'd love to say i went because I adore culture and live theatre, but the main reason is that my friend Tiina is an acrobat there so got us some cheap tickets.

She can get into tighter spaces than a daddy-long-legs. Her boyfriend is a lucky man.

The idea behind is is that you get a meal, a live theatre show, some music, and most importantly - free beer and wine - in an actual real-life medieval banquet hall in Tower Bridge.


This is Tiina. God knows how she does it. I tried to do a forward roll once and got travel sick…


It's an excellent night, but for the price - £49.95 for an adult (don't worry, we paid nowhere near this…) you'd expect far less bland food and you're wine to not be watered down.

Luckily, they more than made up for it by forgetting to lock the props cupboard, as evidenced below. Evening ended with us being asked to return our bodices, or kindly leave.

The free bar had closed, so I of course choose the latter.

**Edit** A special thank you to my friend Chris from http://www.petographer.co.uk for taking all the photos and for letting me upload them. This is him below…



Sunday, 22 May 2011

Stuff wot I baked: apricot almond cakes


Pixie Lott likes my nail varnish

Interviewed pop princess Pixie Lott today.

Not only was she surprisingly nice, she grabbed my hand and said 'OMG - I LOVE your nail varnish. How did you do it?'.

My ego wouldn't allow me to take a photo miss Lott. I just took a photo of my own hand instead.

*Edit* It was Barry M's crackle effect nail varnish, for the record. Incase you want to buy some for Pixie when you see her next.

Barry M Instant Nail Effects - Crackle Black Magic

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

I appreciate every t-shirt worn in Stepbrothers

The best thing about Stepbrothers: the amazing array of vintage t-shirts.

Brennan's purple unicorn t-shirt from Stepbrothers:

Purple unicorn castle t-shirt, £13.99, Amazon.co.uk

Brennan's Oh Juggs t-shirt from Stepbrothers and Dale's Spring Break '84 t-shirt from Stepbrothers:

Dale's It's Better in the Bahamas t-shirt from Stepbrothers:

Dale's Yoda t-shirt from Stepbrothers:

Dale's Converse t-shirt from Stepbrothers and Brennan's Mountain Dew t-shirt from Stepbrothers:

Brennan's Pablo Cruise t-shirt from Stepbrothers:

And, the ultimate Step Brothers scene… SO MUCH ROOM FOR ACTIVITIES!

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Just one of life's little mortifications…

I went to the launch of a street dance exhibit.

Didn't realise until after that only the acts and 'celeb' guests were supposed to sign the graffiti wall.

I have never looked, felt or acted whiter in my entire life.

Saturday, 14 May 2011

Clark Magic Steps: A result!

I have just received the following missive from Clarks custom services - something so gleeful that it made my heart fill with joy and caused me to skip around the office like a demented pixie around a toadstool.

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately we do not have any shoe boxes from the Magic Steps shoes; however I have attached to this email some photos which may be of use to you.

Please do not hesitate to contact us with any further queries and I hope you like the photos.

Thank you again for contacting us.

Kind Regards

Mel Clark

No, advert, but a result methinks none the less.

Hot manband comes to my office - am having a hot flush

In my other life - the one wot pays the bills and keeps me off the streets - X Factor finalists The Reason 4 came to our office to talk about their new single Take It All. Check out the video!

While I know, logically, in my head that I don't fancy them, someone needs to pass the message onto my groin.

Check out the video of them serenading me in the street below, then tell me that you don't need me to pass you a towel to sit on…

Friday, 13 May 2011

Why I don't let my sister try and set me up with anyone

The latest was 10 years younger than me and had written this on his info section on Facebook:

I can't believe that I have got to the age where there are people 10 years younger than me and they aren't swimming around in amniotic sacs.

Thursday, 12 May 2011

Kill it with fire!

And I thought that scoffing spoonfulls of peanutbutter from the jar was decadent

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Stuff wot I baked: Cherry chocolate cheesecake cupcakes

Chocolate flavoured cupcakes, stuffed with a cherry-syrup filling and iced with a mix of

cream cheese, mashed-up cherries and digestive biscuits.

Want to try one?


Clarks customer service: prompt

I fired off the following email about Clarks Magic Steps about an hour ago…

"Dear Sir/Madam, I was shocked and disappointed to find very few references to Clarks Magic Steps on the internet.

"These shoes shaped my childhood.

"If you would be kind enough to help me locate the advert for, or any images of said shoes, all will be forgiven, and I will bestow upon you your weight in Wagon Wheels, Orange Clubs and Umbungo juice drinks"

and was shocked to receive a reply…

"Thank you for your email regarding Magic Steps.  I'm afraid that we stopped making this particular range a couple of years ago. 
"We did this because we decided to concentrate on developing new styles.  
"I know this is disappointing to you, but I hope you'll be able to find a style you like in our latest season of styles online. 
" I have passed your comments on to our design team, who will take your feedback on board when planning future styles.  
"Thank you for taking the time to contact us and for your interest in Clarks  
"Kind Regards Kate Randall Contact Centre Agent   KR/kr  Our Ref: 001209569A"
This isn't actually very funny, because she took me a little too seriously. Now the Clarks customer service team think that I am mentally retarded. But on the plus side, they will be consulting me on future shoe styles. 

I knew I should have offered them some Kia-Ora

Clarks Magic Steps

My last post has brought back memories of the immensely epic shoes known as Clarks Magic Steps.

Unfortunately, they seem to have vanished off the face of the internet, and I can only find the following pictures, but alas, no advert for them on YouTube.

The shoes came in a whimsical box, along with a 'magic key' which doubled up as a brooch. the key, in later models, was used to turn a lock at the bottom of the shoe, revealing hidden pictures under a plexiglass covering.

So precious was my key that I kept it hidden in the garden under a strip of turf, guarded fiercely by my pet snail 'Cheeky'.

This next one was a real find, for you can see the key hole detail in the sole of the shoe…

My mum would never let me get a white (or pink, dare I say it came in pink?) pair because I'd 'only scuff them'. Which actually brings me on to another point; how exactly does one scuff their shoes? I haven't done so for years. Apart from when I drunkenly fell off a pavement, but I can't imagine I did much of that at seven-years-old.

From what I remember of the advert, an ordinary girl becomes a princess upon purchasing a pair of Clarks Magic Steps and has to save some pixies/rabbits/elves/whatever from an evil witch. The advert involves a lot of running through a forest and tinkly music.

She possibly fell through a mirror, or used the key to unlock a door. I could be getting this confused with an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark.

The highlight of the advert was the bemused girl exclaiming "Magic Shoooooooez?" right at the start.

If anyone can find the Clarks Magic Steps advert online I shall bestow upon them their weight in Wagon Wheels, Orange Clubs and Umbungo juice drinks.

Monday, 9 May 2011

Looked out of the window and saw…

… a man taking a weasel for a walk.

He looked so happy and peaceful in life. It broke my heart to tell him that we're all just going to die anyway.

Saturday, 7 May 2011


Yawns are contagious. In fact, yawns are so contagious that even if you read the word 'yawn' there is a 50% chance that you will yawn afterwards.


Monday, 2 May 2011

Sunday, 1 May 2011

I can feel them in my hair…

Check out these horrific photos of post-flood Pakistan…

Spiders take to the trees in Pakistan floods

Yes, that tree is filled with spiders. The terrifying, leggy creatures have all clambered to higher ground to save their skins, resulting in entire trees becoming webbed-out.

The good news is, cases of malaria are on the wane as the spiders are feating on the disease-carrying mosquitos borne from the stagnant water