Tuesday, 30 August 2011

I want to be a Libyan rebel…

The best thing that has come out of Libya* are the photos of the Libyan rebels storming Gaddafi's palace.

Every single shot of them looks like it was taken for a Facebook profile shot. Unlike our soldiers who are busy making charm bracelets out of insurgent fingers and toes, these boys are really making the most out of the spoils of war…

*aside from the hope of peace and democracy…

Saturday, 27 August 2011

Sparrows swap insults like rappers

The sweet chirping sound made by sparrows is actually the sound of male sparrows showing off and 'dissing' one another - like rappers in a rap battle.

"Song sharing among sparrows is actually an aggressive behaviour akin to flinging insults back and forth," said Anet Lapierre from the University of Western Ontario in Canada.

And I bet they haven't once had to reference Deuce Biggalow in a song - I'm lookin' at you Jay-Z…

London man to undergo therapy to beat sausage addiction

London man David Harding has apparently spent over £2,000 trying to beat his sausage addiction.

The bespectacled chap is downing as many as 13 testicle/eye/gristle-lumps-in-skin a day.

He reportedly spends £700 per year on the meaty morsels and 'can't imagine life without them'.

Am I missing something? They are sausages, not crack. Just don't eat them. Or at least, don't buy them. I can't imagine he gets the shakes and rushes old women on the street for their handbags to feed his addiction.

Maybe he could wee(iner) himself off with other phallic-shaped foods such as bananas, french sticks or cock?

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Looks familiar?

Anyone else think that the decapitated Gadaffi statue looks like the clay head from Lionel Richie's video for Hello?

Saturday, 20 August 2011

Just one of life's little mortifications…

Fell asleep next to a stranger at a party.

My hand appears to be on his cock. He's got his wallet out, and I am forcing my friend's head into my lap.

Whatever happened to those classy keys in bowls affairs?

Would like to add that this was an 80's-themed shindig. I didn't just roll around in Krisp and come out wearing whatever stuck.

Friday, 19 August 2011

Lions are 'lazy' and 'boring' says researcher

Think that you'd like to study big cats? Well think again. A leading researcher has dubbed researching lions as 'boring'.

A leading wildlife researcher Professor Craig Packer has dubbed researching lions 'boring'.

Professor Craig Packer and a team from the Serengeti Lion Project in Tanzania spent decades studying lions to find out whether or not lions who lived near a water source had better breeding success.

When the Professor first started to collect the data bacin in 1978 he had thought that the study would take around three years from start to finish. However, he hadn't taken in to account how little lions actually do.

"I had found lion research to be much less exciting than I'd expected," said Professor Packer. "Hours and hours of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer boredom, waiting for the lazy beasts to do something."

Luckily the team carried on their research, tracking 28 prides and more than 5000 lions throughout the years, to discover that yes, lions who live near water sources do lead longer and more successful lives.

Still like one as a pet though. I would call him Smedrick and we would ride down Oxford Circus and slay slow-walking tourists with our giant paws.

*Edit* Lions are no longer boring - I met one.

Treasure trove: Camden stables

Just been alerted to the treasure trove that is Camden Stables. Was on my way somewhere else, so couldn't stay and browse, but I will be returning soon *whispers* so, so soon my pretties…

They also run Indie Bingo on a Tuesday,so I have heard.

Monday, 8 August 2011

London's Burning…

The world has literally gone mad. Cars are being overturned, buildings are being set ablaze - and we are making chocolate cornflake cakes.

Try one. They are exquisite.

Needed to use up all the chocolate from the party's chocolate fountain, and some musty old cornflakes.

Made with about three bars of Cadbury's Dairy Milk and some golden syrup.

Made me rather popular at home - or at least tolerated for a little bit longer.

Saturday, 6 August 2011

The spoils of war

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me…

Met my sister for a bottle (or two) of prosecco, a fancy salad and a quick trawl of the local charity shops in her area. She was mortified, but as I was the birthday girl, she was forced to acquiesce.

These are the spoils of a day's drunk shopping.

From L-R…

1. Vintage Mills & Boon book
2. One fortune-telling penis
3. One picture of a big, scary baby
4. One vintage hairband box/possibly a champagne bucket.

I'm planning on framing the book in a boxframe and using the champagne bucket to put hairbands in. The creepy baby picture is my pride and joy - see how happy it made me:

*Edit* My boyfriend has told me that my room is now 'man repellant'.

Monday, 1 August 2011

The Queen finds Kate Middleton's wedding dress 'creepy'

Kate 'don't call me Kate' Middleton's wedding dress has gone on display at Buckingham Palace

However, not everyone is a fan of the exhibit; the Queen is said to have described it as 'creepy'.

What I find far creepier is the fact that she's got her dead mother-in-law's engagement ring and is moving into her house. Not to mention the fact that a lot of people think she was murdered.

It's like the plot of a bad horror movie. Pretty girl from the wrong side of town, meets an upperclass guy, they fall in love, get married, turns out the engagement ring belonged to his dead mother who died under mysterious circumstances, they move into the dead woman's house and… well, it doesn't end happily ever after. Unless your idea of happy ever after is a knife in the spleen.

Ps. In my movie, Camilla totally did it.